This book is the expression of the long-sought-after “we-go” theorization in psychoanalysis. It offers an original perspective on delving into the complexities of being together as a couple with the aim of expanding psychoanalytic formulations of intersubjectivity and belonging.

The author anchors the understanding of couple functioning in the idea that, from birth and throughout the lifespan, the exchanges that shape the Self are not only rooted in the widely discussed bidirectional “I-Thou” dynamics, but also in a multiplicity of states resulting from “We-Them” configurations. The notion of “we-ness states” is thus formulated in its intricate developments, which are continuously generated around the movements between union and differentiation. The dialectic of what is felt as “inside” and what is felt as “outside” the circle of Us creates endless weaves that span from integration to conflict. Along these lines, the “We-ness derailments” are illustrated in terms of rigid processes of exclusion, expulsion or destruction of the partners’ Selves or the bond in order to restore an original equilibrium. In this way, the “weaves of Us” can provide holding, coherence and expansion, but they can also become nets or chains in which the partners are trapped.

This framework reveals particularly meaningful to relational psychoanalysis and contemporary self-psychological perspectives, which share the idea that the interpersonal is always intrapsychic, or better, “inter-psychic.” Using rich in clinical material, primarily focused on couple therapies, this book is intended for all practitioners and students of psychoanalysis interested in situating the intricate fabric of being together in an ongoing dialogue with who we are—with and without the other.